So, here's the thing, I'm not a muggle like the rest of you. Nope, I'm pretty dang good at pretending to be, but I'm actually not. You see, I'm special, I have all these invisible magical ailments that afflict me and I fight them each and every day. It's my own personal magical battle. That being said, I decided to start this blog to share my magical journey with you, and also as a form of therapy for myself in dealing with the multiple curve balls this muggle life has thrown at me. So, to start off the blog I'll introduce each of my magical monsters.
Anxiety - Anxiety is my constant companion. It makes me worry about small things like, "Was what I said stupid and is everyone now judging me?" to bigger things like, "What if I have to start using a cane to help steady myself so I don't fall over? Are people going to judge me more than they already do?" Yes, it's all completely irrational to you muggles, but to someone who lives with this incessant and insistent worrying it is all too real and consuming. I know you other non-muggles totally get what I'm saying.
Bipolar II Disorder - This one can actually be nice when I am experiencing bouts of hypo-mania. I simply feel good and have energy (which is very rare for me anymore). I want to take things on and do things and live in the moment. I'm happy and upbeat and... I usually can't sleep (another thing that plagues me quite often as well). Eventually, I crash from my high and slip into the low of bipolar depression that accompanies the hypo-mania. I feel miserable and worthless. It's like all the air and light has been sucked out of the box I've been trapped in and I'm left in a vacuous void. I experience this more often than I do the pleasantness of hypo-mania. But I put on a smile and try to fit in with the rest of the muggles around me.
PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - Now, I've had a few experiences in my life that have contributed to this, but the biggest ones I would have to say are: severe bullying I faced in my teen year (which I'm not going to touch on because it's teenage drama and just ridiculous, even to me), and a car accident I was involved in as a child caused by black ice and wintry weather conditions. The accident pretty much scarred me for life (Harry Potter pun totally intended, see I ain't no muggle, baby). To this day I am petrified of driving in wintry weather of any sort, to the point that if I have to I have a near panic attack. I'm working hard on this, but it's been with me for so long that it is difficult to overcome, even though I know it's a ridiculous fear. See, what I really need is a flying car and then this wouldn't even be an issue.
POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) - Well, isn't that a mouthful? This one is oh so fun. Basically, when I stand up by blood pressure drops and my heart decides to skip rope as well. This leaves me feeling dizzy and light-headed, and I have fallen and almost blacked-out a few times. To relieve this, I have to lie down, drink plenty of fluids, and munch on salty snacks (which I hate, because I'm not a fan of salty stuff. I barely salt anything that I eat, that is definitely a muggle thing to do). Sometimes though the vertigo is intense. I basically feel like I am a roller coaster even when lying down. I've been woken up out of a dead sleep from the vertigo and it is not fun. So, I have to get up slowly from any position and I can't stand for too long because I feel like I'm going to pass out. Get me a Firebolt, stat! Then I can zoom around without worry of falling over or blacking out due to standing for too long.
R.A. (Rheumatoid Arthritis) - But... you are too young to have arthritis! Psh, not this kind y'all. This is a super fun chronic disease where my own immune system is attacking my own tissues and joints and can even attack my own organs if it decides to go all Lord Voldemort on me. R.A. affects joint linings, causing
painful swelling. Over long periods of time, the inflammation associated
with rheumatoid arthritis can cause bone erosion and joint deformity. Again, super fun, right?
There's no cure for R.A., but, physical therapy and medications can help slow the disease's progression. I am going to be talking to my Rheumatologist soon because my R.A. seems to be quite aggressive and I am basically in a world of constant pain and stiffness even though I move around and take my meds like a good muggle girl would (see, I'm trying to fit in with you muggles, I promise).
Fibromyalgia - Defined as widespread muscle pain and tenderness, Fibromyalgia is often accompanied by fatigue, sleep disturbances, memory fog, and altered mood. Basically, my body hurts, ALL THE TIME. No, I didn't do anything to cause it. No, I didn't sleep wrong or pull a muscle. I just hurt, always. It sucks, and doctors are still trying to fully understand it, but it's a part of my life. Just because you see me out or smiling or doing anything muggle-ish, doesn't mean I'm feeling better or not in pain. It's always there. Medications, talk therapy, and stress reduction have been thought to possibly help control symptoms. Ah, stress reduction. Do they have injections of that? Because I really need some. Maybe it's just all this magical juju built up in my body and longing to burst free that is ailing me. I guess I've pretended to be a muggle so well that I've tricked my own body into believing I am one. That's a pretty good magic trick if you ask me.
So, to sum up, I'm in pain all the time and I'm tired all the time. My brain is foggy and can't focus and my body is pretty much crapping out on me so it can hop on the next train to Hogwarts and ditch this muggle existence.
